I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
