I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
