she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
