Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
