I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
