just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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