just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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