Are we in a gay sports bar?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
