How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
