I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
