How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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