THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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