im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
