Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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