I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
