Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
