good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
