he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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