did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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