What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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