idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
