What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
