Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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