and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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