pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
