Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
