You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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