Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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