smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
