I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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