god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
