6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
