Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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