so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
