over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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