so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
