After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
