She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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