"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
