I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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