i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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