hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
