I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
