I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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