if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
