i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
