Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
