I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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