i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found your dick twin last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
