You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
